Life is so weird. When you know you want something, and want it bad too and then you get it. You revel in that joy for a while. It’s all new and fun. Things are perfect. Your desire has been fulfilled and your heart satiated. Now you begin to notice the other toys in the store that you could have had or should have had. Your toy is new no more. Yet you love it and dont want to part with it. But you know the rules. To get another you must lose this. Lose you do. Once again you have something new in your hands.
Is it worth it?
A satisfying article has been in the works for a very long time; whether this will be one or not is debatable, but I need to get something down else I will never sleep. So much has been going on in the last 3 months, its friggin unbelievable. From discovering Delhi with a japanese guest to ogling at the mind numbing japanese technology these guys bring over to the ‘cutting edge’ american continent to celebrating diwali in pure calcuttan style to enjoying yet another fresh flavor of the city that is new york.
It has been one long journey from india to my 5th semester at this university. Wish I could use words like amazing, wicked, sick but they would all fall short of describing the emotions that this uni generates within me. I think I am finally coming into my own as a full fledged university student, finally out of the ‘away from home to study’ shell. Like it. Love it.
One of the primary reasons that I havent been able to write out articles on my blog for the past month or so is cause the ones that I wanted to talk about were just so personal that I was scared that somebody who shouldn’t know what I was thinking about something in particular would log on and read my mind. But, I dont think I can hide myself or my thoughts forever. So they read and regret, their fault!
I have been able to do a good number of things that I really really enjoy this semester like play squash, spend more time with my old and new friends, make more acquaintances, learn progressively what it is to NOT be a teenager anymore, learn to listen (think you know?, think again), cook, find more of the massive asian fusion talent out there and oh yeah study (duhh). Did I mention photography? I hate calling it that, somehow I think it makes me look pretentious, almost as if I am masquerading as an artist or somebody deep. I haven’t found that part of me yet, maybe I am, maybe I am not, but whatever I am, I am sure somebody out there has been before or is right now!
That’s quite the pickle eh? To be somebody that this world has never seen. Genetically speaking thats the easiest cause technically you are one of a kind, but beyond DNA you are like the rest of the billions out there or worse, want to be like the billions out there. Damn!! I would hate to realize that about myself – that my whole life has been an attempt at being somebody who I have seen or heard of or been with. How sad is that? Talk about potential stunting. This year (academic and otherwise) has been an eye opener like that as well. Basic obvious things that I was taking for granted have been coming to my attention and I have been ‘what the’…How did I not see that? People’s real characters have been realized and there are some I respect even more and some I call myself stupid for even bothering to know.
I say realize cause thats what its been. Just one long period of realization. Of myself, of my limts and potential of the fact that I have been wasting at least (AT LEAST) 60% of my potential for the past 3 years or more. I dont think one’s potential to grow, to be ever dies but it does become harder and harder to realize it. And at this stage as foolishly and calmly I might want to think that its as easy as ever to be the smartest student or the best on the court, I know it isnt. Its one of the hardest hurdles in my life, the next 3 years or so. And the sad part is that I JUST realized that now!
Its wicked to be lost
In this world’s beauty
seeing more than was meant to
wanting more than i should
needing more than am given
still hungry for more
I see reality from time to time
and the plight of the fools in that realm
if given a choice by Him someday
I think I rather live life my way
than be fed some other’s dream.