4 am, not enough sleep, woken up by a dream, a vision. It’s disarmingly quiet and serene. Things go hazy for a second and then it’s all clear. Finally. So many questions answered, issues resolved. Only to bring up more questions. But they dont steal sleep anymore. Finally realize my place in the ladder of questions. This surprise break came to me too early in the night but I know I will lose sleep no more. G night.
Its 3:37 am and it suddenly hits you that you had it all wrong. You were looking in the wrong place. What you had to look for was right in front of you all along. But you never noticed it cause it was right under your nose all this while, the things you own are never noticed are they? You goto bed thinking I need to change that and find something that actually hits home, that works, that is worth my time and you try doing that for as long as you can. You do with all your might.
It just doesn’t work. It never does. Things fall back to the same pattern, they always do and you find yourself in a rut. But the fun part about this is that now you know what’s really out there, what the real deal is. Then you look down and you see it; find gold under all the dust that is your life. You know it as soon as you see it. It’s what you need and it has been there all along. Glad I found it. Karsh is still the King.
This is something that we all know, we all feel ever since we began to speak or try to speak. It’s something so common now that we hardly even think about it. But it’s still there, always will be. The barriers of communication are both obvisous and subtle, yet persistently everpresent.
For a while now I have been becoming more aware of my communication protocols and the standards out there. I have become aware of the fact that no one actually ever can understand anybody else EXACTLY as the speaker would like them to. It’s humanly impossible. By definition we can only comprehend what our perception allows us to and since no one has the exact same perception as any other, we can never ever be 100% on the same page so to speak.
Where does this leave us? Are we ever to look beyond ourselves and into others? Are we ever to look beyond the ego that is ME and look beyond the known. According to people like J.Krishnamurthi, if we hunt something that we know that we don’t know, we can never find it. Get it? Since we know for a fact that we dont know what it feels like to do something then how can we ever try to achieve that consciously. The sub-conscious however progressese endlessly and can achieve things unimaginable by the conscious.
It is this sub-conscious growth, I think, that leads to us processing many of the snippets of data that we gather in the conscious world and realize knowledge and hopefully some wisdom. I am yet to learn if there is a way to master the sub-conscious or not. If so, imagine the potential of each human being. It is so believed in various schools of hinduism and taoism that the unconscious mind has all the knowledge available to the whole of humanity. If that is true, then all we ever have to do is look inside for the answer. All those stories of meditation for peace make sense now. Not cause it cools you down or helps you destress (alone) as marketed by the foreign media. But because it’s the only way, I think, to achieve ‘mukti’, salvation from the cycle of births and deaths on this plane. Meet the brahman finally.
More I think of this, more organized religions’ nuances like rituals and rites make no sense to me. I do them out of habit, to cajole my own memories but without an end in sight. What purpose does it serve to light up a diya and do puja as has been dictated to us by the brahmins in power? I mean no disrespect, but I do fail to see how it benefits us in our path towards mukti. Some say that they find peace in the practices. Peace it maybe, but it is temporary. There is no riddance of the ego, of the aham. WIth that present, one can never look beyond oneself.
How to look beyond one’s ego still evades me. There are a number of ways I would think – kill it, embrace it to the point that it hurts to be with it anymore or something else. But whatever the process is, the end has to be egoless. Only once that has been achieved can one truly feel somebody else’s pain and joy, revel in their happiness and cry in their pain. I would ask somebody to help me do this, but I know that one’s path is truly individual, hence this search must go on and continue it shall.